my best friend .

my best friend , is toh chuanzhi . ):

i just realised, we have never fought before. we argued, we bitched, we talk, we crapped. you’ve been my best friend, since sec1? that 3yrs ago. i have known you for 4years, thats so many days. i wont forget the first day of sec1, you were the nicest looking guy in class. i never once thought you would bother about me, whats more talk to me, about so many things.

you were my register partner for the first 2 years of my secondary school life, i didnt think that we can be friends for so long. we dont appear to be on talking terms infront of the others, we dont seem friendly to each other infront of them. but behind, we’re the best of friends.

it was all because of her. everything is. _|_

 

i miss talking to you, ):

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a new year (:

happy 2011 ! (:

so , school’s starting tomorrow and i havn’t finish my holiday homework . i have hellalot of maths left , how to finish by 10jan ? huhhhhh . i have a neeeew school bag and new pencil case for school ! ūüėÄ YAY .

 

i need a new best friend, but no one can ever replace you, pig ):

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_|_

i hate you , i hate you , i hate you ! :<

YOU HELL-OF-A-SUCKER . I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU LA .

JEALOUS FOR FUCK , I ALSO NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR ANYTHING . FUCK YOU LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA . CB .

I HATE YOUR WINNIE THE POOH LA . AND THAT MONSTER . AND SERIOUSLY , FUCK YOU LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA .

FOR FUCK.

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hi , i miss you .

worm ,

how i wish you know how much i like you , and how much i wish you will like me back . you shouldn’t have come talk to me , give me those fucking false hopes and all . i hate how much i love you . i hate to see the state you are in now . you are like so pitiful , so poor thing . my heart hurts to see you like this . its been 2 days since you texted me , i miss you ūüė¶

will be going off to the shooting club chalet , later in the day . meeting up with shan for lunch first though . i hope it wont be a failure . ohgod . its going to be 3am and i’m not sleeping yet .

i havn’t been talking to piggy recently ): because she doesn’t like us being so close and all . yea , to save piggy all the trouble and prevent them from fighting over me , might as well . not talk to him at all . anyway , each time we talk is over the same stuffs . either he talk abt her , or i talk abt him , or we bitch abt that vampire . its nothing , yea . but i miss not talking to piggy ): he’s my bestest friend ever . ‚̧

how i wish my life would be so perfect , as things move in a circle . i would have a boyfriend who loves me , play with me and everything , i wont have to worry about not having anyone to depend on . i guess , i still have hopes that worm will turn back and like me again . thn , i would be able to be as close as i want with my best friend , piggy . its been so long since we last talked and i am starting to get used to life without the both of them , again . i dont know when worm will text me again .

that time , you told me that texting me was already a norm , and a daily routine . but i guess , texting her is everything . you want to be with her , you want to marry her , you want to kiss her . what for , do you need me ? i am just her substitute , just like how i was your tool for revenge back then . i am always , second to someone in your heart . when will you really make me priority ?

and what about nina ? are you being fair to her ? you fucker . _|_

 

worm , i love you . no matter what , i’ here for you . i haven’t left a bit , and i’m still here .

i hate how much i love you . you know i would do everything to make you happy , to see you smile . to put a smile on your face . i like you . i like to see you smile . i like being able to touch you . i miss you . i miss hugging you . i miss holding your hands . i miss kissing you . i miss everything we did together , we should be doing together . i miss you .

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waste .

eating is a waste of money , going out is a waste of money .

is staying here a waste of money ?

i dont know . i bought 10$ worth of jelly beans . a waste of money . fucking waste of money .


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fuckyouuuuuuuuu.

what am i to you ?

 you said you were going to text me when you come back , did you ? no you didnt .

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self esteem .

con·fi·dence

‚Äďnoun

1.full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliabilityof a person or thing: We have every confidence in theirability to succeed.
2.belief¬†in¬†oneself¬†and¬†one’s¬†powers¬†or¬†abilities;¬†self-confidence;¬†self-reliance;¬†assurance:¬†His¬†lack¬†of¬†confidencedefeated¬†him.
3.certitude; assurance: He described the situation with suchconfidence that the audience believed him completely.
4.a confidential communication: to exchange confidences.
5.(esp. in European politics) the wish to retain an incumbentgovernment in office, as shown by a vote in a particularissue: a vote of confidence.
6.presumption; impudence: Her disdainful look crushed theconfidence of the brash young man.
7.Archaic . something that gives confidence; ground of trust.

i used to have that in me , till recently . i realised , i dont . maybe i do , but its getting lesser and disappearing . it’s beginning to set in , have an effect on me as yall throw insults and everything at me .

i think i’m getting used to it , and starting to believe it . believe that what your are saying is true . there are people who tell me its not true , you should’nt believe it . its your mentality which makes things worse . is it ?

i dont know .

i dont know when i’ll break down , maybe i’ll go jump off some building . i dont know . i really dont believe that i’m short , fat and ugly . i think i look ok . or maybe i dont .

i need someone to tell me , i’m beautiful and i;m worth it )’:

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